you're my good friend.. sorry that i sometimes said something harsh but that only happens when you irritate me.... hahaha..

anyway sorry le k chris :) friends for life yehh!!

in the end, i lost a friend.

if we can't solve a problem, all we can do is to live with it..

i feel like my life is in an utter mess.. along this journey i can't deny that i really learn a lot.. by facing all those obstacles, i appreciate things more but i do sometimes also take things for granted. and yea.. i admit..

frienship, family and relationship.. i learned a lot from these chapters..

sometimes i'm wondering.. do parents worry about their children? i mean will they really care if their children sad or in grief? why don't i feel my parents give a damn even they know i'm unhappy? maybe i'd been rebellious and less communicate with them.. but at least i tried... haix.. i don't know when i can really sit down and talk with them about what i'm thinking and other stuffs that i would like to share with them.. they're like strangers to me and so am i to them..
they always think that they know what i'm thinking but they're totally wrong.. this happens all the time because we never really communicate and know each other better.. so, there's no need to say, things go worse when they thought i'm doing things in a negative way which is not.. yea; cut it short... misunderstanding happens all the time..

about my friends... true friends will support whenever you need them right? haix... i had this best friend of mine.. she's like a stranger to me now.. even she don't trust me.. she thought i changed and fooled a guy.. duh... i know her longer than the guy does but she seems to be much more closer with him than me.. so i guess that's why she's on his side when there's an argument between me and him.. she always thinks that he's a good guy.. well yea.. he is.. but it's just he did things in a wrong way and hurts a lot of people but he didn't know.. i don't blame him for this because he got hurt 'cause of me.. i was the cause of this and made everyone suffer like hell.. even i'm suffering too.. i have feelings..
i don't know you believe me or not.. but just don't simply judge things when you only listened to one side story.. i've nothing to say if you believe them instead of me because i thought you would understand me better than anyone else.. i'm immensely disappointed.. all you think about is his feelings.. what about mine? i really hesitate your words when you said you miss me or even the time you convincing your friends about me being your best friend...

by the way, looking forward to happiness is the most important for now..

and yea...

thanks chun sing and chris.. not forgetting ivan too :)

:)

there's really a lot things happened to me recently.. really a lot..

i dont even know how to smile anymore.. but to fake a smile or even a laugh.. haix..
i feel like everything of me is different. i want back the same old me. where can i find her?

i'm really unhappy and wanna cry everything out. but that doesn't change a thing and all i can do is just to let time heals.. i'm really sorry and feel so guilty to whoever i've hurt or hurted. it's all my fault beginning these problems.

no one could ever understand how i feel but myself.. that's the fact.

each and every day i tell myself not to think of the past 'cause it'll just keep hurting me. what can i do to make it up to everyone? i'm useless and he's right.

haix.. i really pray that all these can stop even my tears for these.

i'm really happy being in school but whenever i'm alone, it goes back to the same where it was. can anyone even think of my feelings? i really tried to tolerate to my best limit but it ruined everything and making things worse and i can't turn back..

these are partially a life of mine to grow. positively thinking, even how painstaking everything was, i can only tell myself to learn from mistakes and grow from them. but so, i'm still bewildering...

sometimes i feel like i'm really out of my mind. i think many times but thing doesn't come to an end even till now. i don't know how to end it. i want something badly but i get the torture of it in return. haix.. i really don't know if a suicidal can solve a person's problem or problems. however, i'm lucky to have the rationality telling me IT DOESNT.

to really get that something, is it already my time to own it? i don't know. but GOD knows.

fcuking shit

i feel like i dont know you anymore...
i now only know that you cheated me for one whole year..
and
i thought you were different..
all along i was wrong.. wrong to believe in you..

i'm sad to know the truth that your love was just a lie..
all those promises are just shit and lies..

and now
i could only blame myself for being so damn stupid
thanks for betraying anyway

5/1/2011

temporarily, i love schooling because i get to see my beloved friends xD

after school, me and my friends; zhiweng, chris, weilun, chunsing, andrew, and jiachun went to first mapo to eat!! niceyy~ it's really cheap and we enjoyed to food :)

hope there's another time we gather and order many dishes eat together ^^ well, this is the 2nd time.. hope there's more chances to eat together like that.. loveyouguys! ^^

4/1/2011

so freaking happeee 'cause i get to gather with my EX schoolmates; yeeling, zhenyan, yeunkee, xinqi, yeewah, and xuiyee..

at first we went to grab our dinner in domino pizza xD for me, the taste was okay.. i prefer pizza hut though =X

then at the end we went to de garden and walk around that place and we really went crazy cam-whoring hahaha!

the people looked at us with those weird eyes 'cause we act like don't know people from which kampung.. but we really enjoy ourselves so we don't care about the people around us LOL

and one more scary thing is, yeunkee's driving skill.. ahma! really.. erm.. *no comment* hahaha!!

we went to dragon one at first to find something to drink but then we decided to change place 'cause we don't get that feel we wanted.. xD so we changed to paparich and have our drinks there :) that was really a great and awesome night i had... i miss them..

we already planned our next gathering steamboat in yeewah's house during chinese new year.. hope we'll have a blast on that night too! teehee!!

hopeyouarehappy :)

how i countdown new year 2011 =)

a new year, a new life! =)

i remember last year i countdown new year in genting highlands with first garden gang.. we watched fireworks and spend our happy time whole night and we slept only about 4 to 5 hours.. damn happy ler.. but this year's countdown is a little different..

ivan drive me to de garden and we had our tea time with friends in wong kok restaurant.. then i went to find my friends in paparich; zheng foong, zheng hoong, sin hong and his gf, sin wai and others i can't remember who.. LOL..

then i met yit li.. sat a while and chat then back to find ivan and finally we went to stadium to watch fireworks.. the road is full of cars. so freaking jam.. then we escaped to barroom.. whee~!

istillmissyou, ily.

l.o.v.e.l.y. :)

gor... nice day in parade with you..
ily ♥ :)
i will never forget about you

byebye year 2010 :'(

finally i'm back to blogging.. i totally left my blog dead as i'm so busy with my exams.. well.. i'm kind of lazy too actually xD

sadly, year 2010 is gonna end..

and i'm gonna start my upper six soon.. :( i'm really not ready yet for school.. it's like i just finished my year end examination..

anyway, i really did enjoy my days after exam even i went for work immediately the next day after the exam. i went to many places for work. we went place to place to promote DiGi.. lol.. we even went to cameron highlands :) fun but i really hate the flies there.. annoying :S

but because of this job i met back my old friend.. ivan :) and on 19th dec, we went to kizuna for dinner... teehee! then we went to the night market in bercham.. guess who i met? jaedy! i was shocked when he called my name lol.. glad to see him but he thin already..i almost can't recognise him..

oh ya! i also went to kl on the 24th of nov :) nice trip with schoolmates hehe.. and also went to kl with mom and sis on 14th of dec to shop for cny clothes.. wuhoo! i really enjoyed my holidays am i? kekeke~

and and and...
this year's christmas not bad ^^
i celebrated christmas eve in church then then then
went out with jean to our heaven life cafe :)

the next day on the christmas day, 25th of dec, i followed jean with her brother to celebrate christmas in secret garden.. :P i saw damien!
these few days slept quite late.. around 3am to 4am plus only sleep :( my panda eyes are getting worse... i might buy some skin care de le. hope more income coming in.. lol.. or need to save money to buy them.. :/

and lastly.. may God bless everyone i LOVE..
thank you Jesus.. love YOU as always :)

simple update... =P

i miss my friends lots~

努力为你改变了..
你呢？
永远爱你 :)
还有你们 ♥

recently, i just sleep in school... the weather is so damn hot that i fell sick.. erm.. but i'm a lot better now..

there's a few good friends who used to be my best buddies who actually be there for me when i needed them the most... once a good friend.. forever we're friends... i don't care whatever happens next, i'm still missing you guys.. you might think i've changed... well.. that's not wrong.. i did change... i'm more to my own now.. i don't know why.. it's not like i'm gonna forget you guys... it's just that things seem to be a lot different now..

i realized something... when people tells you that "friends forever", could that possibly happen? 'cause i really believe this at first.. but those who speak this to me abandoned me most for nothing.. not once or one person.. friends; they come and go..

i can't retrieve memories... that's why i try to appreciate what i have.. we've travel our adolescence journey together and been through so much bittersweet.. but in the end.. they leave...

i jealous that you met someone new.. that's the part i hate...

这几天都出去玩。。
玩到傻。。傻到变傻婆
哈哈哈
可是就快要考试了。。。 有一点点害怕。。 :(

~~

我的人最近变得比较乐观了。。
可是偶尔也会想些不开心的事情。。

曾经想过不再去想他
却还想要知道他的消息想知道他最近过得好不好。。

真的很想他。。。
没错。。因为我就是个大笨蛋！！=P

原来是这样。。。

today i felt HIM...
i stopped myself from falling tears... but those feelings were so hard to bear...
i cried.
i'm touched... but why??

:) i love Jesus.. but i'm still having questions in my mind...