:)

there's really a lot things happened to me recently.. really a lot..

i dont even know how to smile anymore.. but to fake a smile or even a laugh.. haix..
i feel like everything of me is different. i want back the same old me. where can i find her?

i'm really unhappy and wanna cry everything out. but that doesn't change a thing and all i can do is just to let time heals.. i'm really sorry and feel so guilty to whoever i've hurt or hurted. it's all my fault beginning these problems.

no one could ever understand how i feel but myself.. that's the fact.

each and every day i tell myself not to think of the past 'cause it'll just keep hurting me. what can i do to make it up to everyone? i'm useless and he's right.

haix.. i really pray that all these can stop even my tears for these.

i'm really happy being in school but whenever i'm alone, it goes back to the same where it was. can anyone even think of my feelings? i really tried to tolerate to my best limit but it ruined everything and making things worse and i can't turn back..

these are partially a life of mine to grow. positively thinking, even how painstaking everything was, i can only tell myself to learn from mistakes and grow from them. but so, i'm still bewildering...

sometimes i feel like i'm really out of my mind. i think many times but thing doesn't come to an end even till now. i don't know how to end it. i want something badly but i get the torture of it in return. haix.. i really don't know if a suicidal can solve a person's problem or problems. however, i'm lucky to have the rationality telling me IT DOESNT.

to really get that something, is it already my time to own it? i don't know. but GOD knows.