you're my good friend.. sorry that i sometimes said something harsh but that only happens when you irritate me.... hahaha..

anyway sorry le k chris :) friends for life yehh!!

in the end, i lost a friend.

if we can't solve a problem, all we can do is to live with it..

i feel like my life is in an utter mess.. along this journey i can't deny that i really learn a lot.. by facing all those obstacles, i appreciate things more but i do sometimes also take things for granted. and yea.. i admit..

frienship, family and relationship.. i learned a lot from these chapters..

sometimes i'm wondering.. do parents worry about their children? i mean will they really care if their children sad or in grief? why don't i feel my parents give a damn even they know i'm unhappy? maybe i'd been rebellious and less communicate with them.. but at least i tried... haix.. i don't know when i can really sit down and talk with them about what i'm thinking and other stuffs that i would like to share with them.. they're like strangers to me and so am i to them..
they always think that they know what i'm thinking but they're totally wrong.. this happens all the time because we never really communicate and know each other better.. so, there's no need to say, things go worse when they thought i'm doing things in a negative way which is not.. yea; cut it short... misunderstanding happens all the time..

about my friends... true friends will support whenever you need them right? haix... i had this best friend of mine.. she's like a stranger to me now.. even she don't trust me.. she thought i changed and fooled a guy.. duh... i know her longer than the guy does but she seems to be much more closer with him than me.. so i guess that's why she's on his side when there's an argument between me and him.. she always thinks that he's a good guy.. well yea.. he is.. but it's just he did things in a wrong way and hurts a lot of people but he didn't know.. i don't blame him for this because he got hurt 'cause of me.. i was the cause of this and made everyone suffer like hell.. even i'm suffering too.. i have feelings..
i don't know you believe me or not.. but just don't simply judge things when you only listened to one side story.. i've nothing to say if you believe them instead of me because i thought you would understand me better than anyone else.. i'm immensely disappointed.. all you think about is his feelings.. what about mine? i really hesitate your words when you said you miss me or even the time you convincing your friends about me being your best friend...

by the way, looking forward to happiness is the most important for now..

and yea...

thanks chun sing and chris.. not forgetting ivan too :)

:)

there's really a lot things happened to me recently.. really a lot..

i dont even know how to smile anymore.. but to fake a smile or even a laugh.. haix..
i feel like everything of me is different. i want back the same old me. where can i find her?

i'm really unhappy and wanna cry everything out. but that doesn't change a thing and all i can do is just to let time heals.. i'm really sorry and feel so guilty to whoever i've hurt or hurted. it's all my fault beginning these problems.

no one could ever understand how i feel but myself.. that's the fact.

each and every day i tell myself not to think of the past 'cause it'll just keep hurting me. what can i do to make it up to everyone? i'm useless and he's right.

haix.. i really pray that all these can stop even my tears for these.

i'm really happy being in school but whenever i'm alone, it goes back to the same where it was. can anyone even think of my feelings? i really tried to tolerate to my best limit but it ruined everything and making things worse and i can't turn back..

these are partially a life of mine to grow. positively thinking, even how painstaking everything was, i can only tell myself to learn from mistakes and grow from them. but so, i'm still bewildering...

sometimes i feel like i'm really out of my mind. i think many times but thing doesn't come to an end even till now. i don't know how to end it. i want something badly but i get the torture of it in return. haix.. i really don't know if a suicidal can solve a person's problem or problems. however, i'm lucky to have the rationality telling me IT DOESNT.

to really get that something, is it already my time to own it? i don't know. but GOD knows.