tired...

today i feel so tired.. i'm quite relief cz i've finish my exam... although it's just a monthly test but still i feel it's important...
my dad today pick me up at 2.30 bt i'm suppose to be back at home at 1pm... i've waited him for so long but he didn't even say sry and blaming me giving him stress and burden and bla bla bla... if he can't pick me up on time why don't he tell me 1st in the morning so that i won't be wasting my time waiting him... so that i can go library to have a nap... i already feel so tired.. standing there waiting for so long... so many mosquitoes some more and the sun so hot... my bag so heavy and i'm so sleepy that time... still i' standing there waiting for him to come and pick me up... i afraid if i go into the canteen and wait, i can't see him he can't c me, then he'll leave me in school... i thought that i can go home early today and quickly go back home rest... never thought i'll be much more tired today... i can't blame him that i'm always a burden to him... cz that's the truth i know... if he leave us and go singapore work in his early days i guess he won't be suffering now to earn hard-earn money like now.. actually i told my mom to call my dad that i'm going to finish school at 1pm at about 10 smth in the morning like that.. she say ok and she'll call... then until the time i waited my dad after school i call her again... i really angry she always don't want answer my phone calls.. but i really do understand that she's working and not suitable to answer any phone calls but if any emergency we need to contact her then how??? ok lo... nevermind that she can't answer her hp calls then i call her office... a person working there answer the call and saying that my mom she have attended a meeting and busy with some appointment and stuff... i understand that she's working so i can't really blame her... i just wanna call to know that whether she had call my dad to pik me up or not... i scare she forgotten to call him and i have to wait in school til they realise that i'm nt at home yet i guess.. i call the house phone no one answer... i call my dad number he say i'm not patient enough to wait him to answer the call... but i've waited so long for you to answer and i call many times until the voice message... there's still many people waiting for me to make their own calls... i can't be slow just to call them to pick me up...i called many numbers and not even a person pick it up... then i cried sitting alone in the canteen... i cried not because no one picking me back home... it's because probably i'm having stress for the test and my mood is not too good at that time... at last my dad reach the school to fetch me back... he scolded me and ask why i didn't answer his call when he calls me... what the... i'm in school la... he thought i'm in tuition ar?? how can i bring hp to school... or even on my phone?? i really can't stand anymore what he say cz the things he said really feel like stabbing my heart... he always say the things that are very hurt but he didn't know... he always say that i talk the things never use the brain then what about him?? do he mean that the words he saying that are hurt, he used the brain to think then only he said them out?? i know he hates church very very much but he can't stop me from loving God can't stop me from loving Jesus... he said that my sin is all he suffer... i know he always suffer to take care of this family... but he can't say that Jesus wrong... OMG... i cant really repeat what he said anymore... even he say me hore or prostitute i don't care but he can't say Jesus do things wrong... he have no right to say that... i already didn't care that he separates me with my relatives on his side but he really too over doing it... i didn't even have the real chance to be close with the family on that side... i didn't even get a real chance to get to know them... i know it's all my fault that you so unhappy but i don't know what i can do to make you forgive them... life is short... why don't think far? i still have a lot to tell about myself but time doen't really allow me... i hope my dad won't wait till i really try to kill myself only he'll back to the path i really want him to go... i want him to trusy God with all his heart and not with full of hate... i hope God will forgive him although he really have did some things that are wrong... he become like that really have to blame me the first cz in this world, without me i guess his life won't be like this so suffer and tired.... i hope someone will leave some comment and tell me what to do next... hmm.. anyway... life is meaningless if we always this sad... so i'll try my best to be happy...